Sorry...Not sorry

From the time my oldest little was tree I was ALWAYS saying sorry wherever we went. Either he had a fit or a total melt down and I was saying sorry. Or he was doing something "weird" that made others uncomfortable...so I was saying sorry. I was ALWAYS saying sorry.

Then as time went on and he got his diagnosis I would apologize for that. For example "sorry its the Asperger's."

I got sick of saying sorry after a while and used to take my poor child by the hand and would make him apologize for his own behavior. Seriously I think I was brain dead for a little while there, I mean legit, I was having my child say that he was sorry for behavior he didn't know he was doing half the time, and the other half the time was totally out of his control.

Then FINALLY it hit me.

I nor he have NOTHING to be sorry for. If someone has an issue with the fact that my son is having a fit that has more to say about them than it does he or I. If they want to be judgmental and think that my son having a fit means that I must not reprimand him at home, or that I spoil him and give him everything that he wants that's on them. That just shows that they are small minded ignorant human beings, because God forbid they take a second to think that maybe he is unable to control his behavior in the store because he is over stimulated by everything going on around him. Maybe there are to many people and he is just crawling out of his skin. Maybe we (stupidly) forgot to bring his headphones and music and the mixture of noises going on around him are just to much for his senses to handle.

So...For a little while I was able to jus ignore the stares. They made me uncomfortable but I was able to push through and get out of there before shedding some silent tears on the drive home.  But then, it hit me again, seriously...tears? Why am I crying? I have nothing to be embarrassed or upset about and neither does my son! If anyone should be embarrassed it should be whomever it was that was standing there staring at us!

Now...my friends, and family will tell you I pretty much to the opposite. I probably shouldn't, and its probably not the best example. But if for some reason I glance up (and its not often because usually I am focused on my child and his needs at that moment) and someone is staring at my son while he is having a "moment" while out in public I'll usually give a look and say WHAT?!? So that, if even for a moment, they feel a pang of what it feels like to have someone looking at them, staring at them, for their behavior.

So ya know what....sorry....not sorry.