IT'S OK!

This morning...my day started out by dragging my six year old kicking and screaming to the bus...in shorts and bare feet...in 30 degree weather....all because he couldn't find his toy phone...while still recovering from major surgery.

yup...you read that right...because he couldn't find his toy phone.

Honestly once the bus drove away I sat down and wanted to cry, yell, scream, hit something. (no not someone, and don't get all judgmental because even if you wouldn't say it out loud we all get to that point once in a while)

I just couldn't figure out what they heck was going on. I was pissed. I was REALLY pissed. I kept thinking how I just wanted one morning, just one single morning, maybe even half a morning where if I take 5 minutes more to finish drinking my tea everything wouldn't fall apart. Just one morning where I don't have to stand in the middle of everything barking out orders, because if I don't my boys literally just start walking around in circles because they have to be on such a strict schedule. Just one morning where I don't have to do some kind of damage control because this one dared to look in the direction of that one. Just. One. Morning.

I took my twenty minutes, where I thought about how I just wanted this or that, and then....I sucked it up, got up and went about the rest of my morning. I needed that time to have a pity party for lack of a better term.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I want pity, or that I deserve pity. I am not saying I don't love my boys or that I would change anything about them. They are who they are, special needs does not define them. 

I am just saying that there are moments where I need to sit down and tell myself that my life as a mom of these boys is tough. That it can be tiring, and that its ok if I get aggravated.

This isn't the road I thought I would be on but here I am and I think we are doing pretty damn good walking it together, but there will be those moments where things suck and things are hard, and its ok to own it. It's ok to take a moment to scream, or yell, or cry or whatever because sometimes that's what you need to do to get yourself riled to make it through the rest of the day. There is nothing to be ashamed about.

The more we stuff it down and hold it in, the more harm we are doing to ourselves. If we are not taking care of ourselves then we can't properly take care of our kids. Just like when you are on a plain (something I have only done once and really don't want to ever do again because I am crazy scared of plunging to my death)...they tell you to put the mask on yourself and then your child because if you are not ok, then you are unable to make sure that your child is ok. It is the same thing here ladies (and gentleman if your reading) we need to take those moments to vent, we need to take those moments for ourselves in order to correctly do the job that we need to do.

Sure there will always be those people on the outside looking in who think its awful. Who will have some kind of judgmental comment about how we don't seem thankful to have children, or how its wrong to get upset....I'm gonna take a guess and say those people are not parents, or have no idea how to be a special needs parent. I mean shit being a parent in general is hard enough. So yanno what...those people can go slide up a rose bush. Until they walk a day in your shoes, you don't need to care at all about what they think.

This moment is between you and the walls. As long as your not sitting there yelling and screaming or crying at your child and letting it out in a safe way then go for it mamas.

In fact...here is my challenge for you. When you are done reading this...if you are alone take a second and just yell. Yell about how you spilt your last cup of coffee all over your white shirt when your kid came running around the corner. Or yell about the IEP meeting that didn't go your way. Scream out how pissed you are at the fact that your kid waited until last night to tell you about the science project so you ended up pulling an all nighter. Cry about the fact that your child may have special needs, that your son or daughter is not that perfect child that we all dream about. Its ok.

But then...when you are done yelling. Stand up. Brush it off. and Keep it moving. Because your house hold isn't gonna run itself and if your house is anything like mine it is going to fall apart if you don't get moving.

UM OUCH

I am so sorry to the few of you who read this!
I have been MIA because I was really sick, and then three weeks ago I had to get my gallbladder removed.

Now....If you read my blog you know that there is nothing about me that is normal...not even close. However when they went in to do this "simply laparoscopic hardly any pain" surgery they realized that I am more abnormal than anyone could have thought.

It turns out my gallbladder some how alone the line of being formed decided to climb up into my liver and stay there. So at 28 years old it was finally discovered and instead of that easy surgery, they had to cut me wide open, then cut my liver to get the gallbladder out. Not fun...and um...OUCH!

Well I was stuck in that stupid hospital bed for five days when I think begged the doctor to let me go home. Now don't get me wrong, they had the good pain meds and anything I needed they brought to me, because well I could barely even sit up since they cut my stomach muscles. But it is really hard to be the micromanaging, stay at home super mom, that I try (yes TRY) to be, when I'm not in my home with my kids!

Now first of all I have to give props to my awesome husband because he took almost two weeks off from work to take care of the boys the first week, and then myself and the boys the second. He did a great job. Ok he did his best, thankfully my mom was around to give him a hand, nothing against him, he is just not used to being home with the three boys and has no idea how their schedules go, what their day time quirks are etc. But I'm sorry in my mind no one is gonna do it the way I am going to do it, and the thought of that drove me crazy.

Knowing that my two special needs boys were probably not doing so well because I wasn't there and their schedules were probably out of whack was killing me. I just needed to get home. So I made a deal with the doc. I said doc. I promise you I will continue to do nothing, I will just be way more comfortable doing nothing at home than I will be here in the hospital. Thankfully he was ok with that and discharged me that night, night number 5.

Welp ladies let me tell you, trying to micromanage from the couch is kinda annoying. I mean I can talk until I am blue in the face doesn't mean anyone is going to listen. Then I opened my pantry to notice that EVERYTHING was moved around...same with my cabinets. Ummm NOOOOOOO!!!! Not ok. I am far from OCD I am not a super neat person, and I am not a super organized person. However my cabinets and my pantry are two places where I know where everything is and have everything where I want it, because it makes breakfast before school and packing lunches super quick and easy.

But wait! Then I go into my bedroom and BAM my closet was a disaster and so were my drawers. AHHHHHHH. again don't get me wrong I was sooo happy that the laundry was done and the house hold chores kept moving even though I was laid up but I couldn't find anything. Yes I am currently stuck in yaga pants and hoodies unless I uncomfortably put on a pair of jeans for a small outing that I'm allowed to take, but still I want to be able to just open the drawer and pull them out. But nope my yoga pants and old t-shirts were hung up in the closet...so confusing. Thankfully I had a good day the other day and I say myself on the floor and rearranged everything I could to get my closet back on track...my pantry is still killin me though.

Its weird though....even though things weren't going the way that I would have wanted them...they were still going. I had this weird ache in my gut (and not from the surgery) the first few days that had me lingering on the verge of tears. I realized that, even though I am sure I make things easier on my family, they dont NEED me to keep things going. Sure they did things differently, but they still got them done without me. I didnt like that.....ummm OUCH!

But then it hit me. I was doing my job better than I thought! I was working hard and parenting my boys to be able to handle shifts in their routine even though it is tough. I was making sure that my husband spent time with my boys and loving on them and making sure he knows them and their needs. My job isnt to do everything for my kids....but to teach them to do things for themselves. To raise them to be God fearing, organized, happy amazing young men. This experience has shown me that I am doing a kick ass job at that!

So even though the major huge gross ugly cut across my stomach makes me say umm...ouch...the rest of it...its just another reason to smile and get back on my feet so I can keep working hard and teaching them how to work hard.

Monster Mash

You know this monsters your little is like... ok your little BECOMES, when they start having a HUGE tantrum over absolutely NOTHING at all and EVERYTHING all at the same time? I am talking the kicking, screaming until they are horse, has you blinking back tears nothing you do works kinda monster tantrum?

My favorite tantrum was this morning...when my six year old was screaming so loud I am shocked the police did not show up, because he could not find his underwear. The underwear that we laid out the night before with the rest of his close, in order to try and avoid these tantrums in the morning. So after a wile I finally walked into the living room where he insisted on getting dressed to see if I could hunt down his underwear.

Though I was beyond pissed at this point because he has thrown and kicked numerous things, I was even more pissed to have to say "ummm hun your underwear is sitting under your left hand."

I was quite happy. Here I was thinking awesome that was quick his underwear was in his hand problem solved right? HA WROOONNGG!!!!!

What did my little love say to me? At the top of his lungs he screamed "YOU JUST HATE ME!!"

Wait what? I just saved the day, I found the missing, not so missing, underwear that was in your hand the entire time and I hate you?

Welp his fit went on for most of the morning over anything and everything. From the underwear to me just hating him to what I made him for lunch to wanting to wear his sandals when it was only 40 something outside this morning, and not to mention it was gym day and I nicely (or as nicely as I could manage at that point) reminded him that if the school called and said that I had to bring sneakers for hi for gym class or he was going to have to sit out, that I would simply say sorry he has to sit out today I'm not bringing sneakers. It went on and on and on and on and on.

But then.....oh yes then. He really did it. This little one had the audacity to turn to me while walking down the front porch steps to the bus and SMILE!!

That's right SMILE and say love you mom see you after school! Like...that was it...like nothing had happened at all. Like that awful screaming didn't just make me want to poke my ear drums out all morning.

and because I do I said I love you too have a great day, and I waved, but God knows in my head I'm thinking...

yup ok love you too...I'm gonna be laying under your bus as it drives away...don't worry about the thud...just tell the driver to keep on going!

yup.....we all have those moments...I'm just dumb enough to put them in print ;)

Sorry...Not sorry

From the time my oldest little was tree I was ALWAYS saying sorry wherever we went. Either he had a fit or a total melt down and I was saying sorry. Or he was doing something "weird" that made others uncomfortable...so I was saying sorry. I was ALWAYS saying sorry.

Then as time went on and he got his diagnosis I would apologize for that. For example "sorry its the Asperger's."

I got sick of saying sorry after a while and used to take my poor child by the hand and would make him apologize for his own behavior. Seriously I think I was brain dead for a little while there, I mean legit, I was having my child say that he was sorry for behavior he didn't know he was doing half the time, and the other half the time was totally out of his control.

Then FINALLY it hit me.

I nor he have NOTHING to be sorry for. If someone has an issue with the fact that my son is having a fit that has more to say about them than it does he or I. If they want to be judgmental and think that my son having a fit means that I must not reprimand him at home, or that I spoil him and give him everything that he wants that's on them. That just shows that they are small minded ignorant human beings, because God forbid they take a second to think that maybe he is unable to control his behavior in the store because he is over stimulated by everything going on around him. Maybe there are to many people and he is just crawling out of his skin. Maybe we (stupidly) forgot to bring his headphones and music and the mixture of noises going on around him are just to much for his senses to handle.

So...For a little while I was able to jus ignore the stares. They made me uncomfortable but I was able to push through and get out of there before shedding some silent tears on the drive home.  But then, it hit me again, seriously...tears? Why am I crying? I have nothing to be embarrassed or upset about and neither does my son! If anyone should be embarrassed it should be whomever it was that was standing there staring at us!

Now...my friends, and family will tell you I pretty much to the opposite. I probably shouldn't, and its probably not the best example. But if for some reason I glance up (and its not often because usually I am focused on my child and his needs at that moment) and someone is staring at my son while he is having a "moment" while out in public I'll usually give a look and say WHAT?!? So that, if even for a moment, they feel a pang of what it feels like to have someone looking at them, staring at them, for their behavior.

So ya know what....sorry....not sorry.

Don't forget your umbrella

I grew up in a house where my mother took no shit. I'm sorry for the "bad" word but there is just no other word I could use, that's just how it was.

I take even less so when it comes to my boys.

For example, my youngest son works a lot with early intervention. The other day my middle little was home "sick" and was yelling and screaming and not getting his own way, so he was running away. I simply looked at him right in front of the therapist here from early intervention and said

"ok Blake that's fine. Its chilly so wear a sweat shirt, oh and you might want to bring an umbrella its supposed to rain"

I am shocked that childrens services did not show up at my door that night because she gave me a look of sheer terror. She could not believe that I would be ok with the fact that my son was "running away." Maybe she thought I was seriously ok with it. Maybe it didn't occur to her that he says this numerous times a day and usually takes one step outside of our gate turns around with tears in his eyes, says he is sorry and comes running back for a hug. Or, maybe she is the kind of mom who coddles her kids.

Don't get me wrong. If she wants to coddle her kids, to run to them every time they fall down, to gasp every time her toddler weebles or wobbles that's totally her prerogative. In my house if there is no blood your probably ok. Even if there is your not going to find me running over gasping and gushing all over them because, with my kids at least, that just scares them and makes them more nervous and gets them even more upset than they already are.

However, I don't like getting the dirty looks for how I choose to parent.

Now I wont lie. When my oldest little was tiny I was probably making sure that every tiny drop of snot was swept away by a tissue laden with lotion instead of today where id probably say use your sleeve (I have three boys give me a break)

However the point here ladies (and gentleman) is that it really doesn't matter. Coddle your kids go for it. Don't take their shit that's cool to. Go for that in between that's awesome. But keep those stupid judgy stares to yourself because those are sooooooooo not needed!

Give us some space and a broken vagina

So yesterday I am in in the ER waiting room FOREVER (apparently I have some gall stones yay for me) so any way I'm sitting there and there and I over hear the nurses saying that there is a new mama coming in.

She apparently had her baby five days prior and was bleeding really, really badly. Her doctor told her to go to the ER, he was already in the office and said the ER doctor should see her and then just call him and tell him what happened.

So sure enough I am sitting there and in comes this poor mama. She is in tears because she had to leave her baby at home. She asked the nurse how long they thought she was going to be there, and the nurses told her that she was going to be here at least a few hours.

Well let me tell you, this poor girl just broke down and started sobbing. She said that she is breast feeding and that she has to feed her baby. That she doesn't want to have her baby come to the hospital because she doesn't want her baby to get sick. I felt so bad for her, but the nurse...the nurse just rolls her eyes and asks her why she didn't pump before she left.

Again in tears this poor girls says that her doctor told her that she shouldn't pump for at least three weeks because she wont be making much milk until then and that way she will avoid any nipple confusion. The response of the nurse was to again roll her eyes and say that perhaps this poor thing should get herself a new doctor. ( I mean I tend to agree any doctor who just ships his patent off to the ER and wants nothing to do with them isn't the best of doctors but still)

Any way my this entire thing got me to thinking. HOW FREAKING ANNOYING IS IT WHEN YOU HAVE A BABY AND THESE SO CALLED PROFESSIONALS BOSS YOU AROUND?!?!

With my last son, now we are talking number three. I felt like such an idiot. Yes an idiot! In the hospital they make me feel like nothing I do is right and that if I am not doing it their way I must not be doing it right at all and I just can't stand it! I could not wait to get out of there so that I could just get comfortable and get to know my baby without someone hovering over me.

When they laid my third little on me the first thing I did was drop the top of my gown and bring him to my breast and sure as shootin he latched right on. I had two nurses the one was thrilled. The other however was soooo annoyed. She wanted to clean him all up. She was like umm does he really have to eat now. I totally ignored her. I was in pure bliss that me and my littlest of little men were bonding and that I had the opportunity to do so. (do to emergent situations I didn't have the chance with my first two)

Before I was able to take him home I had to show them that I knew how to change him and bath him and all that good stuff...I was like legit? I have two boys at home. They have been fed and changed and bathed and so on, I know how to do this. It's just so awful.

I feel like (and forgive me if it is not like this where you are) even though many doctors and hospitals preach on skin to skin and how important it is to spend time with your baby and get comfortable with your baby etc they just don't really mean it if it gets in their way, of its not the way that THEY would get comfortable, or if its the way THEY would breast feed or the way THEY would change the baby etc.

So lovely doctors nurses and hospitals here is my idea or words of advice to you. Help us pop those babies out. Make sure we don't bleed out all over the floor that our babies are not blue and leave us alone. Yup that's right you heard me...leave us alone!! Give us a chance (especially first time moms) to learn how to be a mom. We have been doing this since the beginning of time. When a baby is born so is a mom. If you are always pushing your way to do things down a mom's throat they are never going to feel comfortable. Sure I want you to pop in and see if I need help, or to answer my questions etc. But I want you to give us moms some SPACE. Let us figure out what works best for us and for our babies. That way when we go home, we are not starting at square one again! Just let us do our thing...we'll be alright, not to mention it will make your shift a hell of a lot easier.

Oh and as for that poor mama...I over heard the nurses giving report...and that woman deserves a gold metal, flowers, chocolate, wine, and some diamonds because she had a fractured cervix, yes that's right a fractured cervix...a broken vagina ladies...and here she was crying because she was worried about nipple confusion...shoot I would have been crying about having to sit down. I tip my hat and raise my glass to mystery mama in the ER.

Already on the crazy train? Whats one more passenger?

How do you know?

I mean, how do you really...without the shadow of a doubt, for sure, know that you don't want to have any more children?

When I met my husband we were crazy! We knew (and still know) this amazing couple who has nine children. They make it work, they legit have it all together and I think that is amazing. That is what we wanted. We were going for ten!

Then we had 1. We decided 10..nope, no way, nuh uh, not for us. We tried and tried and tried and finally got pregnant with number two (after a miscarriage) as they began getting older is when we started to realize that our two littles had some special needs and life started getting a little bit crazy.

We went from being cramped in a pretty decent three bedroom apartment, into a hotel for a month, into a really crappy two bedroom apartment where SURPRISE we found out we were unexpectedly pregnant with number 3. This was not in the cards, this was not in the plans. I mean where were we gonna put this baby?

That's it! We were done! I mean heck we were done after 2 and here comes number 3. But hmmm here comes baby number three and when he was six months old we moved into our gorgeous house. he was a little blessing number three and the most laid back little boy you could ever hope to meet. His smile lights up a room and he just rolls with it.

Now "baby" number three is going on three years old. Not such a baby any more. We sit and we look at him and we get a little sad about the fact that soon he will be at preschool age. That he wont be around all the time any more. That many of the "firsts" we have done for the last time. But then something gets spilled or thrown or we hear screaming or punches are thrown and we are snapped into reality and think nope, no, nu uh we are done...right? are we?

That got me to thinking. How do you moms and dads, husbands, wives, baby mamas baby daddys and the lot of ya know when your done? finished? Totally out of the game? I mean yeah wowza is life crazy around here with two boys with special needs. I am sure lots of your lives are crazy too. I also look at it like this though....If your already taking a ride of the crazy train what is one more passenger?

So out of morbid curiosity? How did you know? Did you ever know? I'm not sure this mom will ever 100% know for sure that I'm finished and that's ok.

As always have something to share fell free. Like what you read please share!

xoxo
Julz

WARNING...I'm going there and then some (Gender rolls and children)

So all over facebook and other sites for a while now have been stories about how the Jolie/Pit family call their little girl John and allow her to dress like a little boy...

My thought every time I see this story is always...WHO CARES? I DONT GET IT...WHATS THE BIG DEAL?

Maybe it isn't a big deal to me because I live with it every day in my home. Because I have a six year old boy who prays to God every single night to turn him into a girl. A little boy who loves to run around wearing my shirt as a dress with a fabulous belt in the middle, who does better maneuvering around in a pair of my heels than I do. Who loves to wear my jewelry and my lip gloss and looks oh so cute doing it. A little boy who is trying to grow his hair out again (it was long when he was younger however we had to cut it because he was pulling it out.)

To me all of this means nothing. It's just my six year old being who he is and not being afraid to express himself. To me if it does "mean something" one day I could care less because that is my son and I love him for who he is and I always will.

Perhaps because I am elbow deep in it every single day that is why when I read these stories I just don't get why it is a big deal. But what really burns my backside about it all is, why is it anyone else's business other than hers and her parents? If she wants to be called John and asks her parents and siblings to call her John, why is that on a magazine cover, I mean legit with everything going on in todays world is that really what gets peoples attention? "little girl wants to be called John" that is what sells magazines? REALLY??

So here is my thought on this entire situation...first of all...you go for it Brad and Angie..as long as your not pushing her or forcing her into it then let her be her. If she wants the short hair, the boyish clothes and is asking to be called John and your comfortable as her parents doing that, than go for it! I give you credit for allowing your child to express herself in a way that makes her more comfortable even if it makes society uncomfortable.
I fully believe that allowing your children to express themselves in a safe way is awesome. My kids my dress themselves as long as its appropriate and they follow school dress code and all their bits are covered, their hair cut and style is their choice as long as it is taken care of and clean, etc. it is a way as children they are able to really show who they are. In a world where children are always being told they are different, or wrong, or need to follow the crowd, or being influenced by other people, let them be who they are!!

Hi my name is....mommy?

Hi my name is…..mommy?

First of all I want to take a second to apologize to the handful of people that (I hope) read my blog. I apologize for being away for so long after getting started. Summer came on quick and things have been non stop every since! But I’m backkkk!!! Hope you enjoy! And remember if you like it…don’t be afraid to talk about it and share it. xoxo

 

Wanna know what I did all day Saturday?

I wallowed. Man did I wallow good! I threw in some pouting and I even shed some tears!!

I called my husband I yelled at him a little. I was not a happy camper. I was sick and tired of sitting home every single Saturday having to take care of our kids while he went and did whatever he wanted! (In reality he was working, as he does most Saturdays to keep our family living the comfortable life style we love here in our house that we moved into two years ago) I went on to complain that mon-fri I get the kids up get them ready and bring them to where they need to go. I’ve got any number of our three boys with me at some point during the day every day. That I can’t even pee without someone walking in or banging on the door.  I complained that every single time I pick something out they throw three more things on the floor. I totally lost my $***! I then went on about how he is so lucky because on Sunday he gets to sit around the house while I get the boys up and ready and we go to church. (again in reality he is taking care of all the yard work etc that he can’t get done mon-sat because he is typically working)

Then I sat down and read another amazing mommy blog where she said that she almost forgot what it was like to not be “mommy” and it hit me! I can wallow here and there! I am allowed to have bad days! Because I am working hard myself. Every single day all day long. I am a mom! You may disagree but I am pretty certain that being a mom is the HARDEST job out there! Not only that…but moms…WE DON’T GET SICK DAYS! WE DON’T GET PERSONAL DAYS! We are always going!

After my day of wallowing I got on with my job as being a mom (as if I ever actually stopped…I was still being mom and running around like a chicken with my head cut off I was just wallowing while I was) I felt better. I realized that there are gonna be days where I miss being who I was before kids, but that I wouldn’t change for the world who I have become now that I have them. I also realized that its ok to feel that way!

It also made me like super excited for the mini vacation the hubby and I are going on in August for our anniversary. It will be the second time we have gone away without or children since our honey moon! I am so crazy excited at the idea of waking up without my six year old creepily standing at the end of my bed staring at me, oh being able to eat without someone sneezing on my plate or farting at the table. Without having to yell or listen to the constant arguing that goes on between brothers.

I also know that as soon as we pull out of the drive way I’m going to call Grammy and check on them and make sure that they are ok before we get started, because if they are not we of course don’t have to go.  I know about an hour or two later I’m gonna send her a text to see if they are still doing ok. To ask if I forget to pack them anything and ask if maybe we should turn around if she doesn’t think she and my dad, as well as my adult sister can handle taking care of my three boys. I know as soon as we get there I am going to call them to tell them that mommy and daddy arrived at their destination and to tell them we love them and that as soon as I hang up the phone from talking with them I am going to be blinking back tears because the thought of being without my little men for four days is just as hard as having to deal with the craziness of living with them.

I know it sounds like I’m kinda psycho bouncing back and forth between pulling my hair out from having to be with them every second of everyday and crying because I miss them after only a day if that when we go away. I’m not psycho though (my husband would probably disagree with that statement) I’m a mom! It’s my prerogative as a mom to feel all the emotions that go along with motherhood. With having boys, with having 3 boys, with having boys with special needs. If your not a mother I’m kinda sure you don’t get what I’m sayin here. If you are a mother I’m sure you do (at least I hope you do…if you don’t…maybe I am psycho.)

So what I’m trying to say to ya ladies/mommies…its ok! You can have your bad days, your wallowing days, your great days, your awful days, your fun days, your sad days etc. Own them, live them out and keep on moving mama your gonna be just fun. But don’t forget to let “you” the “you” you are when you take mommy away poke out once in a while! Remember its ok to be who you are, and its also ok if who you are...is mommy.

 

xoxo

Reality Addict

Hi my name is Julie...and I am a reality TV addict!

Admitting that you have a problem is the first step right?

I don't watch all the reality TV shows but I am a HUGE fan of the housewives franchise. After my husband made fun of me for it I sat down and tried to figure out why it is that I am so addicted and in love with these shows and this is what I came up with....

I am a mother of three, not just three kids but three boys! Any mother of boys knows why that is a huge reason.

Two of my boys have special needs, that means as any mother of a special needs child knows that I am ALWAYS fighting with schools, making meetings, appointments, writing letters and spending endless hours locking myself in the bathroom so I can attempt to hear what the person on the other side of the phone is saying.

I am a woman, that means I have emotions that my husband, being a man (sorry men its true we are just not wired the same) does not always understand.

I watch these shows because I LOVE seeing that there are people out there who actually have more drama in their lives than I do! I mean it! It makes me take a breath and say thank you Lord I am not the only one who deals with drama. I am not the only one who has to put out fires, I am not the only one who has people whispering  behind my back and smiling to my face. (however they are not whispering about my latest cheating scandal like on the shows but more about how I must be a bad parent because my child had an outburst in a public place not taking into account that he has aspburgers and was way over stimulated at the time.)

I get a serious thrill out of watching these shows and it honestly makes me feel better if only for the hour that its on. Or well...the hour that its recorded on my DVR because lets face it I don't have time to watch it when its on or actually sit and watch an entire show in one sitting.

So if I actually get time to sit with a glass of wine or can of soda (I don't drink coffee and even though soda is sooo bad for you this mama needs to get her caffeine fix one way or another)and watch a reality TV show why not do it?

So mamas down in the comments I'd love to hear your reality TV favorites, and if you like what your reading feel free to share the link!

What we think...But never say!

So we as moms, and I'm sorry but if you disagree you are lying to yourself, think things but we never say them out loud.

I think the biggest secret we try and keep is....ok ladies take a deep breath...get ready....

BEING A MOM IS FREAKING HARD!!!!!!

I will keep it in no more! Let me tell you why I decided to shout this from the roof tops. This past week has been rough. These past few days have been crazy tough and rumble rough. I mean whoa its been hard. Between some things with the hubster, with the boys, with them starting school again etc I am so tired I almost brushed my teeth with diaper rash cream.

So I decided I was going to sit down and take some me time. I was going to watch and entire movie (while eating my lunch) from start to finish. I picked that movie "Mom's night out" thinking it would just be an awesome funny movies about moms.

Well I started out laughing but ended up with tears rolling down my cheeks. Good tears, cathartic, therapeutic tears. Here is the quote that got the tears started...

"He loves you. No matter who you are, no matter what you do, or how far you run, Jesus will always love you with his arms open wide just for being you."

The character (who is played by the always handsome Trace Adkins) went on to say...

"I doubt the good lord make a mistake giving our kids to you. So you just be you, and let Him to the rest"

Those are amazing words. Seriously mama's read them again! How many of us feel like failures because the house is a mess, or the kids are throwing a fit, or because we are tired, or we just need a moment to ourselves but we are looking at the mom down the street who from the outside looking in has it all together so we must be doing something wrong. (I know I do)

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! I AM NOT A FAILURE!

BEING A MOM IS JUST FREAKING HARD!!!

Yanno that awesome quote "the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world?" I mean come on ladies if that's not giving us mom props I don't know what is! I think we just need to take a deep breath sometimes and realize that, yeah, we love being moms its the best job in the world and all that jazz but its hard. It's ok that we find it hard. It's ok we have some bad days. It's ok if your still in your yoga pants at 3 in the afternoon, its ok if you need to lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes and eat a candy bar and read tasteless gossip magazines to gain back your sanity, because we're moms, and its hard.

No more holding it in moms! We as moms are always so busy trying to look like we've got it all together just like the mom down the street, but guess what she is probably crying by the washing machine herself just praying for a mom to come  along and commiserate with. So instead of having a mask in place smile at the mom standing next to you at drop off and say, "man this is tough sometimes" I bet she gives you a knowing smile, and I bet it will make her day. I know it would make mine.

so one more time....

BEING A MOM IS FREAKING HARD!!

What Kinda Mommy Are You?...And Do You Care?

So the other day I was talking about the awesome new organic products I've been stocking my home with, and how awesome it is that there are so many granola flavors out there and how I am wicked excited that my kids are willing to, and actually like eating it!

It was then that I was introduced to a phrase I had never heard before...I was told "wow your turning into a real crunchy"

You better believe as soon as I got home and managed a few minutes without one of my boys climbing all over me I fired up the computer and headed right for google.  I had no idea that there were different labels for different kinds of mothering.

So I learned that because I choose to use organic products and eat/feed my kids organic food, because I breast fed, baby wore, co-slept, use eco friendly diapers (nope not cloth) I am leaning towards being a crunchy mom. At first I was proud of the title, then I was a bit offended because I felt I was looked down upon because of it....then I came to the conclusion I just don't care.

Apparently the opposite of a crunchy mom is a silky or mainstream mom. A mom who lets her kids eat whatever, uses disposable diapers, chose to formula feed etc. I also learned that crunchy moms and silky moms will take any moment they can to put the other down for "mothering all wrong"

Well after doing my research I think I am more a scrunchy mom. You have to combine the two. Yup I do lots of the crunchy mom things, but I had my boys in a hospital, and also vaccinate them so I am not a true crunchy nor a true silky.

and here is the best part! I DONT CARE!!!
Here is what really matters...
I AM A MOM!
WE ARE MOMS!

It shouldn't matter HOW we mother, or WHAT KIND of mother we are! We are mothers. We all do our very best to take care of our littles and it shouldn't matter how we do it. We shouldn't look down on each other for being different. Women especially mothers have it hard enough, and already have society looking down on them for one thing or another! So moms here is the deal...do you and instead of looking down on another mother for doing it differently encourage her. Come along side her. We as woman and mothers need to be building each other up not bringing each other down.

So from one MOM (simply a mom) to another good job moms! Keep up the good work!

Special Day With A Dash of Bad Mom Moment

I am a firm believer in catching good behavior and giving rewards for it!

Last week J had a really hard week at school. He had multiple out bursts and even (sigh) hit another student who was bothering him. (The other child was not being a bother intentionally)It was a tough one, and all though I do NOT believe in punishing an out burns that he can't help but have, I am teaching him about being held responsible for his actions. For example he broke many of the teachers crayons and pencils so he had to use some of the allowance he had saved up to replace some of them.

So this week I was elated that he made it the entire week without any incidents not only at school but at home as well.  My husband Sr. is a tree guy who used his crane to build a HUGE (at least the biggest I've ever seen) bon fire for the Vietnam Vets to celebrate memorial day. (two things...Sr. is very patriotic so he was thrilled to do it, and apparently we do not celebrate memorial day on the actual memorial day) Well he had brought J with him that Saturday he layered all the wood for the fire, and the vets just fell in love with him and told my husband that he should bring J for the lighting of the fire last night.

That's the special day part....here is the bad Mom moment part.  The lighting of the bonfire happened at midnight last night. Yup midnight. ad it will be burning all day today.  We were just so proud of J for doing so well this week we wanted him to know it. So we asked him if he wanted to go with Sr. to watch them light the fire. Now this wasn't a party, nor any kind of BBQ this was a quiet memorial service and remembrance of those who have passed fighting for our country. So it was very educational for J. However being they did not get home until 2am (another sigh) J stayed home from school today.

I'm not going to lie...I enjoyed him being home today. He got to do something special with Sr. last night, and with me today. In face we enjoyed an ordered lunch followed by chocolate milk shake. Something he does not frequently get. I have never seen J so calm on a full day home.  Usually half way through he brings out the string of I'm bored or begins to get fresh, but not today.

Today J has been calm, he has been compliant, he has had no melt downs, he has helped with W and has been a joy to be around.  I am very proud of him and I think that he is proud of himself.  I think J realized that he did something right. That he was getting an enormous amount of positive attention instead of an enormous amount of negative attention. I think he realized that he prefers the positive attention. I think, I hope, and I pray that this is a turning point for J.

So perhaps to the outside looking in today was a bad mom moment but in this house, in this family it was a major step forward for a lost little boy who is starting to find his way.  And lets face it...who wouldn't want an awesome bon fire and a chocolate milk shake to help them find their way?

Batten Down The Hatches!

Summer is right around the corner!

That means it's time to batten down the hatches around here!

I wish I could say I was one of those mothers who just loves summer because that means my boys would be home with me all day every day...but then I would be a liar.

Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE my boys, and I love spending time with them. I don't however, enjoy spending time with the little monsters they seem to become around the fourth day of their summer vacation. Yes, little monsters who's weapon is the annoying repetition of "I'm board." No matter what you do, what you plan, or what you buy those little "I'm board" monsters always seem to rear their ugly heads.

These kinds of monsters also seem to have a problem with showers! Every time you think you have a moment to take a shower, you better think again! If by some miracle you manage to get in the shower, be prepared for some door banging, mom calling, fingers under the crack of the door distraction!

Don't get me wrong, sometimes dealing with the school situation for my boys can be like dealing with monsters as well, but a different kind, and at the end of an hour or two I get to leave those monsters behind. These monsters though are always around. I mean they live here, and at first glance you see these sweet, cute, adorable little boys, but let me tell you the monsters come out when you least expect it.

So since I'm relatively sure I'm not the only one out there who has these little monsters just waiting to come out here are my favorite ideas for keeping my boys occupied during summer vacation

- Anything with water! Sprinklers are the best and the easiest. If you don't have one there is an easy and cheap way to make one at home! Simply take an empty soda bottle, cut some holes in the bottom, string it up and fill it up!

- Arts and crafts box. I go to our local craft store and stock up on a bunch of supplies that are on sale. I try to get a bunch of different things for them to choose from. When they start saying they are board I pull out the box and let them choose what they want to craft, lay some news paper down and let them go at it!

-Forts! It's time to get over the neat freakiness. Although if you have children, especially if you have more than one, I'm sure you were forced to get over that a long time ago. But grab all the blankets you can find and make tent city in your living room! Give the kids plenty of books to read, or even pop in a movie. If your really daring you can every let them have a picnic in their tents! If your super lucky and set them up around nap time you may even get your kiddos to fall asleep without any tantrums since its a new, fun place to sleep.

Story Hour! Most libraries in most towns have some kind of kids story hour one day a week. It is usually free and it gives your kids a chance to sit and listen to a story and even pick out of few of their own to bring home (and maybe read in their fort) It's also time for mommy to sit down in a cool and quiet place to attempt to gather her sanity.

Good luck with your summer vacations! Good luck and God speed....I know I'm sure gonna need it!!

Welcome!

Welcome!

One way or another you have stumbled upon Put The Lid Down!
That could be a really good thing, or a really bad thing depending on your personality. I am a firm believer that in order to be a parent in general let alone a parent of kids with special needs you need to be armed with a sense of humor.
A good sense of humor is your greatest weapon against the meltdowns, messes, and millions of meetings. It is also a great tool when it comes to celebrating the awesome moments and milestones as well!

So since your on this journey with me let me tell you a bit about me and my family. 

I am a 28 year old mommy of three boys who have special needs. J has pediatric bipolar disorder, B is developmentally delayed with sensory concerns, and W is currently working with early intervention because of his lack of motor skills. I have been married to my husband Sr. for almost nine years now. I wont lie ,life can be hard some days, but I wouldn't trade a second of it! My boys are my life. Sure there are lots of meetings lots of messes and lots of meltdowns, but at the same time you will often hear ringing through our house lots of "I love you to the moon and backs", lots of laughter and many times lots of PUT THE LID DOWN!

Welcome and enjoy. Don't by shy! leave your comments and questions. However I'm all about the love so negative comments will not be tolerated. If you like what you read share it!

lots of love
xoxo
Julz